Pretty Magical Transsexual, Aunt Keitaro!
by Fatuous One
Summary: Keitaro wakes up one day from being knocked unconscious by Naru, only to find that things are a bit... different than before.


Disclaimer: All rights of ownership of "Love Hina" and its characters belong to Akamatsu Ken and other affiliated companies such as Kodansha, TOKYOPOP, Bandai, Pika Edition, Glénat, Chuang Yi, Editora JBC, Grupo Editorial Vid, Waneko, Jonu Media and Odex. This is purely a work of fiction made by fans, for fans. If any of the respective owners ask, I will remove all content that I do not hold any rights to (meaning, by proxy, the whole story).

Thanks to:

SimmyC, who originally created this with a certain typo; GenocideHeart, who pointed out said typo, and for his horror which inspired more ideas; Deathwings, for adding more ideas to the insanity; toraneko and Moshulel for adding wood to the fire; and myself, for lacking enough sanity to write it.

Warning: The author is an untalented, toneless hack. Contents may cause your brain to punish you in the name of the moon.

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PMTAK! – Begin Prologue

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"Oww…" Keitaro gave a small groan as he blearily sat up and clutched at his aching skull. "What hit me?"

'Naru PUNCH!'

"Oh, right," Keitaro murmured as he shook away the recent memory, which he immediately regretted as his head throbbed angrily in response. Taking a moment to orientate himself, Keitaro took a few deep breaths before checking his surroundings.

After a quick glance, Keitaro was surprised to note that he was still in the Hinata. Well, at least a place he THOUGHT was part of it; he could never really gather the courage to ask Su how she fit a jungle into the room.

"Huh…" Keitaro gave a brief murmur of thanks, he thankfully wasn't going to have to trek back. Standing up, Keitaro noted with some appreciation that the aching in his head was starting to die a gurgling death. Not questioning his supposed immortality, Keitaro began to make his way out of the resident genius' room.

Stepping carefully, Keitaro managed to avoid slipping on the piles of banana that seemed to be all over the place.

'That's a bit odd…' Keitaro thought as he accidentally squished one of the overripe fruit and made a mess on his feet. Grimacing, he used one of the nearby trees to scrape the mashed banana off his foot before continuing. 'Su usually eats these, not leaving them lying around…'

"Whatever," Keitaro sighed as he finally got out of the bizarre room. "I just want to go take a nap."

Quickly navigating the halls, Keitaro was about to open the door to his room and go collapse on his futon when a slightly breathy voice spoke right next to his ear.

"Hello, Senpai"

Managing to stifle an unmanly shriek, Keitaro spun around on his heel and looked at the speaker.

"Oh! Uhm… hello Shinobu-chan…" He said after a moment's pause. Keitaro gave another silent pray of thanks that his voice wasn't terribly squeaky.

"Senpai," Shinobu give a small smile. "Aren't you going to help me in the kitchen?"

"I… uh," Keitaro stuttered.

Kitchen? Why did he need to go help her in the kitchen?

"Uhm…?" He paused. Taking a look at the small girl, something seemed off here…

"Senpai?" Shinobu's face only millimeters away from his own broke Keitaro out of his stupor. Taking a nervous step back, the spectacled man nodded hesitantly.

"Sure! Of course I'll come help you."

Marching stiffly, Keitaro headed towards the cooking area of the Hinata, his headache making a return visit.

"So, Shinobu, what exactly do you need help c-" Keitaro froze.

'Did she just…?'

"Oi! Kei-ch-, eh, kun!" Called the Osakan tinted voice of Mitsune, drawing the increasingly unnerved landlord's attention. Noting that she seemed to be acting as per usual, Keitaro felt himself grow slightly more at ease.

"Yes, Kitsune-san?" Keitaro asked, looking at the open eyes of the resident mischief-maker.

"Just thought you might like to know," the woman said with a tiny smile, "I've finally got another good haul from that stingy shop keeper."

"Huh…? I mean, you do?" Keitaro said in non-comprehension. "That's… good…?"

Thankfully, or perhaps unfortunately, Kitsune missed Keitaro's confused tone and nodded happily.

"Yup! That old guy is a real hard-ass, but he always keeps the best booze." Kitsune winked at the bewildered man in front of her. "Just wanted to share the bounty. Make sure you come around later, 'kay?"

Nodding briefly to Shinobu, Kitsune walked off.

"…" Keitaro controlled the urge to bash his head against the wall in confusion. 'What the heck?'

"Shall we, Senpai?" Shinobu once again broke him out of his trance, although he didn't have quite as violent reaction.

"Oh! Right, right, let's go to t- …" Keitaro froze, suddenly noticing that the younger girl was arm in arm with him. "Uhm… to the… kitchen… then…"

"Mmm." Shinobu murmured as she nodded.

'Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap!" Keitaro silently panicked.

If either Naru or Motoko saw him right now…

"Urashima!" Oh… SHIT.

"M-m-m-m-m-m-Motoko… uh, -chan… …hi." Keitaro managed as the hakama clad girl rushed towards him.

"Urashima, you must delay your perversion and help." Motoko said, and then grabbed Keitaro's other arm. "One of Su's… creations has decided to gain a will of its own. It has also decided that human's are inferior to it and need to be destroyed."

"Huh? What?" Keitaro let himself be dragged along with the swordswoman. Amazing, he wasn't haven't a hard time keeping up with the hurried pace of the younger girl.

"As loathe as I am to ask for your help, as usual my ki attacks have no effect against it." Motoko muttered with an almost depressed sigh.

"Wha…?" Keitaro began, and trailed off as they exited the Hinata and he saw what Motoko was talking about.

The creature wasn't a giant monster by any means, but one could easily tell by its appearance that it wasn't nature. While humanoid shaped, its similarity to the species ended there. In place of a head stood a neon-pink colored pyramid, three times the size of any regular cranium with diamond shaped eyes that glowed a florescent green. Its main body consisted of a mostly human torso that looked like it had been sown together with an octopus, as its arms and legs were nothing but a huge amount of tentacles. Which, Keitaro noted, were sweeping the area violently.

All in all, it looked like something out a drunkenly conceived anime, a hentai one at that.

"What the hell…?" Keitaro shook himself, idly noting that Shinobu was no longer attached to his arm. "What am I supposed to do against THAT?"

Motoko ignored his question as one of the longer reaching tentacles stretched out and tried to grab her. She quickly retaliated against the appendage by, instead of unsheathing her sword, stomping on the offending tentacle with her geta.

'Since when did she have those?' Keitaro briefly wondered.

"Quickly," Motoko urged him, "you need to transform."

"Trans… what?" Keitaro said in utter confusion.

"Trans. Form." Motoko stated with a glare. "Quickly! I don't think that Naru and Haruka can hold it off for very long."

It was true, now that Keitaro scanned around, he saw that his aunt and love interest were scrambling around the bizarre creature defensively. Haruka was occasionally firing her gun, although the bullets didn't seem to do much besides annoy it, and Naru was literally ripping apart the tentacles with her bare hands, although they instantly grew back afterwards.

"Yes, but what can I do?" Keitaro looked on helplessly.

"Look," Motoko growled. "Just take out that DAMN perverted object and FUCKING TRANSFORM!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Keitaro shouted, fearing for his life as the swordswoman snarled angrily.

"This…" Motoko spat. "This is some sort of revenge isn't it? You're deliberately placing me in this position, aren't you!"

"Wha-wha-wha?" Keitaro spluttered.

"I…" Motoko seemed to snag. "I will consent to anything you wish, Keitaro. Simply transform and defeat that monstrosity."

"…How… Uhm, how do I… transform…" Keitaro said, his tone blank as he tried to avoid having a nervous breakdown.

"What? Are yo-" Motoko's surprised melted into a weary resignation. "I see. Very well, I will… 'show' you."

Stepping closer, Motoko reached forward and started digging through Keitaro's shirt.

"I, hey wh-" Keitaro started to protest, before Motoko pulled her hands out of his clothing, having found what she the object she was looking for. Keitaro stared at the object in Motoko's hands with sick fascination.

'Is that… what I think it is?' Keitaro thought with disbelief. 'If it is… what the HELL was in doing on me…?'

Before Keitaro began to fear for his manhood, Motoko thrust the toy into the air.

"D-D-Dr. Dildo," Motoko shouted, her face glowing a cherry red. "P-perform the operation!"

Keitaro stared with his jaw hanging open as Motoko struck a bizarre and… somewhat arousing pose with the adult toy. Her pelvis was thrust out, and one of her legs behind bracing her, while the other was stretched forward more provocatively. Her right hand was high above her head with the phallic object held tightly in it, and her other arm was bent at the elbow with the hand knuckled at her waist.

However, after a few moments of nothing happening beyond the swordswoman's face blushing an even darker red, Keitaro began to gather his wits.

Finding his throat rather dry, Keitaro gulped several times and coughed slightly. Motoko took that as a signal and immediately dropped the position, turning to the landlord.

"A-are… you satisfied?" Motoko asked with her face lowered and the dildo extended towards him.

"…" Keitaro hesitantly took the object from Motoko's quivering hand and stared at it with a mixture of awe and disgust.

'I'm… supposed to do that…?' Keitaro looked at Motoko in dawning horror.

'I CAN'T DO THAT!' Keitaro screamed mentally, suddenly have an image of himself striking the same pose as Motoko. Keitaro was about to fling the dildo as far away from himself as possible before he had a realization.

'Wait… Motoko is EXPECTING me to do it. If I don't… especially after SHE did it…' Keitaro had another mental image, this one even less appealing then the other, mostly consisting of diced body parts being splattered about.

Gulping, Keitaro took a few deep breaths, and copied Motoko in thrusting the toy into the air.

"Dr. D-D-D-Dildo…" Keitaro said loudly, shuddering as he realized that he was actually doing this. Not wanting to see everyone laughing at him, Keitaro closed his eyes. "Perform the operation!"

Mentally, Keitaro heaved a sigh of relief as he… he…

'Why can't I move?' Keitaro opened his eyes with extreme trepidation, and was nearly blinded. Colorful, shining… sparkle things were swirling around him as he held the pose.

Fearful, Keitaro wasn't even able to scream as the sparkles slammed into him. The rainbow-colored energy washed over his body and he suddenly felt… very odd. He tingled all over, but there was also a squeezing sensation in his thighs, and his chest suddenly felt bloated. Keitaro also noticed that his head seemed… heavier then before.

Suddenly, Keitaro's body was free from the weird paralysis. He could move, but he felt words bubble up his throat unheeded.

"I am the Pretty Magical Transsexual, Aunt Keitaro!" Keitaro instinctively struck another pose, as her mind went completely numb. Now that the lights were gone, Keitaro could very easily see that 'he' was now 'she'.

'What… the… fuck?'

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Pretty Magical Transsexual, Aunt Keitaro! – End Prologue.

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To understand the joke behind the start of this is that it all began with a simple typo.

"I did read in the forward to the novel version that, Haruka's status to Keitaro (whether he's her aunt or cousin) is kind of up in the air. Either way, Haruka/Keitaro doesn't gross me out at all."

See if you can spot it. Someone else did, and it inspired a little bit of insanity of what happens when you try to make Keitaro, Haruka's aunt.

Remember people, crack kills, but typos murder.

No one pre-read this. I kind of doubt anyone would want to.


End file.
